Observations from a poker road trip

I woke up at 4:15 last Sunday morning and drove 225 miles, played poker for 8 hours and drove right back. Some would say that points to addiction, but I prefer to think of it as pursuing a goal. I fell short, but the day wasn't a total loss. I learned a few things that day.

The commercials suck, but the product works.
I hate the 5 Hour Energy commercials. A lot. And if you know me, you know that I usually won't buy a product that uses badvertising. But I've become a big believer in the product.
I only slept about four hours before I left, and by the time I hit the Iowa state line, I was yawning. Hard. You know those yawns you get sometimes that can be described as violent? The kind that make your eyes water and your lungs hurt? Yeah... I had those.
I stopped and picked up a 5HE and it worked very well. I had this weird kind of warm sensation, but I was alert and the yawns stopped entirely. The one downfall though, was two hours later I had 5HE burps, which was far worse than any whiskey burp ever.

Dan Aykroyd still has the Blues brother.
I like blues and I was running through stations, because southern Iowa on a Sunday is no place for an anti-country music agnostic to be relying on the radio to help pass the miles. I had about given up and was ready to pop in my wife's new Adele CD when I heard a familiar voice. I'd found Dan Aykroyd's Sunday morning blues show and he does it in the character of Elwood Blues. He shouldn't. Elwood was a crappy harp player and a crappier singer. Pretty good dancer, though. Elwood is nothing without Jake. Come on, Dan. You're a big supporter of blues... have been for years. No one questions your blues cred. Why can't you just do the show as yourself?

It's always nice to see family.
My cousin, Eric lives nearby and also plays. We met at the casino and played for quite a while together, then had dinner. I haven't seen him in a dozen years and it was nice to catch up a little and find that we have more in common than DNA. He had a good run in the tournament, finishing in the money in 8th place.

I hate playing poker against women.
I feel like they always know when I'm lying... er, bluffing. But I can never tell when they are. I also feel bad when I knock one out. I don't have the same feeling of remorse if I knock out a dude. 

Poker-playing football fans play stereotypically.
You can tell a lot about a poker player by the gear he wears. A Raiders fan sat to my left during the tournament. He exemplified every stereotype I've ever witnessed or heard about Raiders fans. When he was winning, he was a cocky, mouthy, condescending turd. When he got beat, he was a sullen, mouthy, disrespectful turd. It would not have surprised me if he would've started launching batteries at me after I beat him in a hand. And it took him entirely too long to get over getting beat.

Two chairs to my left was a Denver Broncos fan. Like his team, he was predictable. He'd use one play for a while then another, just like the Donkeys did. They were a passing team under Elway, then he retired and they were a running team. Sure the passing attack worked for a while, just like it did for this fella. He'd won a few pots, then he just started betting huge. Unfortunately, I could never find cards when he was in a hand. Like all Broncos fans, a little success went to his head, and he was still talking when he won two in a row much longer than he should have been.

Poker tournaments are now my second favorite place to people watch.
Airports are still Number 1, but a poker tourney leap-frogged little league baseball game AND bar on St. Patrick's Day as a great place to people watch. You see the pressure take hold and whatever the person is going through in real life comes through in how he plays. You can tell who is a good person by how he wins and loses hands and how he exits when he's eliminated. You can also tell which douchebags don't tip servers and who thinks it's always his turn to go at a four-way stop.

Vacation - Omaha - A Zoo is Just a Zoo

We hightailed it out of Pierre like we robbed the bank. Understandably, we did not feel like we would miss the town and all it had to offer.

We headed south to Omaha, with nothing on the agenda except getting to the hotel. Doing nothing in Omaha was better than trying to find something to do in Pierre.

We found the hotel. Took us two tries, but we found it. They directed us to a sports bar next door and we had an early dinner. They marinated their steaks in whiskey; something I've got to try. The server was very friendly and Ashley took the boys to swim for a while.

The grandma's took the boys for the night while Ash and I drove across the river to Council Bluffs, Iowa to play some poker at Horseshoe. It's a surprisingly big poker room, and the game I joined was very aggressive. Unfortunately there were no weak players. I missed one opportunity when I flopped a full house and the two players in the hand folded to my raise. I'm still kicking myself for that.

We played blackjack for a little while. It was the dealer's first night and took about half an hour to get through one shoe. He had trouble adding. He threw a card on the floor. As he was rearranging his tray, chips exploded all over the tray. It was comical.

The next morning, we took the boys to the Omaha Zoo. All in all, it's a cool zoo and I highly recommend it, particularly to my friends in Kansas City. If you've never been, KC's zoo sucks as much as anything imaginable. It's sad, really.

Of particular note is the aquarium. That was almost worth the price of admission by itself. The butterfly house is OK. They also have a desert dome and underneath it, a display of nocturnal animals and cave dwellers. Don't miss that.

It rained off and on, and finally got to be too much, so we headed back to Kansas City. Omaha is a nice town with a lot to offer, so I think we'll be going back.

Then again, I may just be comparing it to Pierre.

Vacation - Day Three - Deadwood and a little poker

The first night in Deadwood was really just a feeling out process. We looked around to see what the town had to offer. There's really not a lot to do in Deadwood proper, but I think we all needed a little of that.

The first day trip we took was to visit Spearfish and the Dick Termes Gallery. He paints on spheres and is absolutely incredible. We met him briefly when he directed us to a parking spot, then he hopped into his old truck and drove away with a big pile of brush in it.

His gallery has dozens of his pieces in it. They hang from the ceiling and they rotate slowly so you can see how his subject matter lies on the sphere. It's hard to describe, so take a look at the youtube video that first made me want to see his gallery.

We also visited a few antique stores right on the main drag of Spearfish, along with an art gallery. All were excellent. We then went back through the winding roads and went through Sturgis. It's hard to imagine that town hosting a huge event like the Black Hills Rally, but as one person put it, "It's an amazing thing when an event doubles the size of your state."

I managed to squeeze in a little poker at Saloon No. 10, where Wild Bill Hickok was shot. I sat with my back to the door, managed to win a little over $200 in 45 minutes, then was summoned by my Mom because Tristan was asking for me. I left a hot table, filled with an incredibly drunk woman, an incredibly drunk man, three people who played every pot, and one guy who was the definition of on tilt. (For you non-poker players, that means he was pissed and playing very badly.)

The floors of No. 10 are covered in sawdust, the walls are covered with Deadwood and western history, and at night, the dance floor is covered with drunk people. A little something for everyone.

Vacation - Day Two - Nature's Majesty and Tourist Shlock

We left Mitchell, home of the one and only Corn Palace on the next leg of our journey. After a nice breakfast, we headed west towards The Badlands.

One person's obstacle is another person's national park.

The Badlands is breathtaking. It's more like the Grand Canyon than I imagined. The spires created by the ancient river and the colors that are created are amazing.

It came as a surprise to me that there is a lot of high prairie in The Badlands. A lot of green out there too, and a lot of wildlife. We saw three bighorn sheep very close to the Visitors Center and an eagle was floating on the wind currents above one of the places you can stop to take a look at the view.

It was, all in all, pretty majestic. Then we continued on to the antithesis of majestic, Wall Drug.

One person's moneymaker is another's annoyance.

Wall Drug, as I said in my previous blog, advertises with billboards on the highway. Hundreds of them. And they don't really say anything. It's just the multitude that FORCES you to go, as if under some sort of spell.

As tourist traps go, this one is in the upper echelons. There are souvenirs of all shapes and sizes. It's loud, It's crowded. It's huge. They sell everything from fudge to western wear. There are crappy statues for the kids to climb on so you can take their pictures. A hamburger and fries is $8.50, and that doesn't include a drink. And they have a bitchin jackelope collection. That did not disappoint.

We left Wall and headed in the direction of Deadwood. We drove through Sturgis. We didn't stop because there is literally nothing there. Deadwood is in the mountains, and is cool, dark and has an air about it that something is about to happen.

But it doesn't.

I played Omaha at The Silveradoand did well for half an hour till Ashley came to get me. We visited Kevin Costner's Midnight Star and played some $2 blackjack while drinking a few complementary beers. I learned there was a difference between "complementary" and "free."

I think it's probably because legends of the town are so colorful, vivid and well-told. It markets itself as small-town Vegas, but I was up early in search of a poker game and there wasn't one to be had in the whole town.

Yes, I checked the whole town, not necessarily because I like playing poker, but because I could check the whole town in about 20 minutes. I was gone for 45, never found a game, played a little three-card poker and was back before anyone knew I was gone.

The town was quiet as I walked back towards our hotel, I thought I saw someone across the street wave, and an image flashed in my mind of another poker player acknowledging that he too was in search of a card game. But no one was there; just wishful thinking, or maybe one of the ghosts that reportedly haunt the town.

Either way, Deadwood is peaceful early on a Saturday morning. I'm looking forward to the day, filled with museums and antiques and art.

And later on, once the familial obligations are satisfied, poker.

Guys Weekend - Gambling, Booze, Strippers and Hockey... What More Could You Want?

My wife got me a great birthday present this year. Ashley and Kerri, my buddy Jim's wife, made plans before Thanksgiving to send us to St. Louis for a hockey game. Jim's birthday is a week before mine and he's a big Blues fan, too. They got us tickets, made hotel reservations and sent us out for Guys Weekend.

When we found out, it was all we talked about. Guys Weekend was going to be filled with poker, booze, cigars and strip clubs. We joked about how anything that happened in St. Louis stayed in St. Louis.

I think that's what separates guys in their twenties from guys in their forties. We didn't do anything even remotely like that.

Don't get me wrong... we drank a lot, but we didn't puke in a parking lot. We ate crap all weekend. White Castle for lunch on the way in; chili dogs and beer at the hotel Happy Hour before the game. The healthiest thing we ate was nachos, I think.

We even went completely the opposite way of any Guys Weekend when we escorted a lady and her son from the hotel to the arena. They were from Indiana and it was the kid's first NHL game, first time in St. Louis. She asked if they could walk with us. She was a little worried that maybe something would happen, not knowing that the area around the arena is probably the safest spot in the entire city on game night.

No problem, we said, in essence violating every Guys Weekend rule about gentlemanly conduct.

The Blues won big over the Rangers and we hit an Irish bar to celebrate. A DJ started cranking out dance tunes and we left, what with all the women dancing and all. We headed to the casino.

We played poker until the wee hours. I drank till last call. The chili dogs disagreed with Jim and he quit drinking much earlier. (What a girl!) We were definitely more sober than our cab driver who kept moving into turn lanes that were actually oncoming traffic.

We only slept about four hours and made it to a poker tournament across town. The drive back to Kansas City involved a lot of caffeine and sunflower seeds to keep us awake.

All in all, it was a good weekend, albeit a pretty tame one. We're pretty sure we need to make it an annual birthday event. Maybe in your forties, that's what you need instead of craziness. We don't have to tell the wives it wasn't the wild weekend we made it out to be. But I think they have their suspicions, though.

They're asking to go next year.