Wednesday, March 6, 2013

TSA Lifts Ban on Wiffle Ball Bats

The TSA lifted the ban on Wiffle ball bats, which surprised the hell out of me because I didn't know they ever outlawed them.

Why they would ever think to ban them is beyond me. Maybe all the people thinking about the stuff they could ban were sitting around a table and everyone had to come up with one. Knives, guns, nail files, golf clubs, weed-eaters (yes, weed-eaters) were all taken as everyone went around and said an object they thought could be banned. Steve sat there and watched as all of his suggestions were named by someone else. When it got to him, he panicked and blurted out, "Weed eaters!" and like the teammates on "Family Feud," everyone just said "Good answer!" and clapped to show their support for Steve because he brings donuts every Thursday.

I have no idea why they would ever ban them, but it's only a matter of time before I can take my Slip n' Slide on a plane. Maybe they thought it was a gateway to other lawn games breaking out on an airplane. Today, Wiffle ball bats... tomorrow, LAWN DARTS!

How did Wiffle ball bats make the list of things banned on airplanes by the TSA but crying, screaming two-year-olds were never even considered?

There are many things you can't take into Canada - fresh fruit and vegetables, handguns, mace, stun guns, pet food and firewood (yes, firewood... don't get me started). Wiffle ball bats have never made the list. That should have told the TSA something.

I want to take a bat with me next time I fly just to see how people react. And if someone has the stones to ask me why I'm carrying on a Wiffle ball bat, I'm just going to tell them I've been drafted and am heading off to pursue my boyhood dream of making it to The Show.

If there is a silver lining to this, it is this: Now that they're cleared to fly, I can use my Wiffle ball bat to smuggle more than three ounces of saline solution onto a plane.