Tuesday, July 12, 2011

18 Reasons to Carry Nunchucks in Kansas City

I saw a guy walking in Westport about 5:30 in the afternoon. (For those of you unfamiliar with Kansas City, Westport is a bar district in the midtown area.) He was on the sidewalk. On his back, a standard size back pack. He was not impeding traffic.

All in all, it seemed like a pretty unremarkable sight for a Thursday pre-happy-hour. Except for one thing.

He was working a set of nunchucks as he walked.

Wait... is it a set of nunchucks? Or a pair? Or is it just nunchucks... being as if there were not two, you would just have a stick.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but now, I'm kind of wondering what possesses a dude in his early 20s to carry nunchucks, as there were no reports of ninja assassins in the area that day. After giving it some thought, I've come up with some logical reasons why a guy would be carrying nunchucks in Westport.
  1. Samurai sword was in the shop.
  2. Much easier to conceal than a quarterstaff.
  3. It relieves aches associated with carpal tunnel syndrome. Doctors don't know why, and he's in the study.
  4. Arrows spill out of the quiver any time he bends down to pick up a copy of The Pitch.
  5. Throwing stars constantly get mixed up with pocket change.
  6. Feels nunchucks will be the next big thing in men's fashion accessories, replacing the big, clunky watch.
  7. Let the license plates on his catapult expire and didn't want another ticket.
  8. Just recently got over bronchitis, rendering his blow gun useless.
  9. Liberals haven't put nunchucks on the weapons hit list. Yet.
  10. With a spear gun, it's all over too quickly.
  11. Consistent sling shot ammo is difficult to come by in town.
  12. Working on hand-eye-don't-hit-yourself-in-the-nuts coordination.
  13. Buzzard's Beach has 2-4-1 specials on Thursday, 3-4-1 if you have nunchucks
  14. Mace was rusty, and no one likes a rusty mace.
  15. Brass knuckles clashed with what he was wearing.
  16. Quarter draw night at Harpo's gets busy and the frat guys get pushy.
  17. Crossbow just seemed like overkill. For a Thursday, anyway.
  18. Chicks dig a guy who can handle his nunchucks.