Help Wanted: Problem Solver. Apply at KCPL.

There's a classic scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent and Julius have gotten themselves into a situation and Marcellus sends them Mr. Wolf, in the person of Harvey Keitel.

KCPL needs the wolf. People in Kansas City lose power when the wind blows 40 mph. Not sure why, but it seems like we lose power a lot more often than when I lived in Wichita.

KCPL customer service sucks.
As often as they have to field calls from people who have questions, you'd think their customer service people would be more professional. If you want information, estimated time of reconnection or an explanation of the damage, it's best to put the cell phone away.

Here's what you get from a conversation with a KCPL customer service rep:

• repetition
• rudeness
• hot air
• ambiguity
• bullshit
• details about their prioritization policy
• condescending customer service people who don't know shit about shit

Talking to KCPL customer service is kinda like working out.
Elevated heart rate, shortness of breath, that feeling that I'd really like to put a bullet in my head rather than do this again, exhaustion when I'm done... without all the health benefits.

Fear not, loyal customers... KCPL is on it with what you need.
KCPL is distributing dry ice in JoCo, Prairie Village, Sedalia, St. Joe and Maryville so the stuff in your fridge won't rot.

Just NOT in Kansas City, MO! You know... where most of the customers who lost power live. That would make entirely too much sense and might cost a little extra. And they're starting at 3:00, so all you juvenile delinquents who want to make dry ice bombs can get the stuff before normal people get off work. Morons.

Nice job, KCPL.
Good planning. Way to do exactly what a well-run company that gives a shit wouldn't do. KCPL is definitely a company that benefits from being a monopoly.

That's my two cents worth, KCPL morons. Now, get back to work. At last count, you've got 52,000 more people to piss off.

18 Reasons to Carry Nunchucks in Kansas City

I saw a guy walking in Westport about 5:30 in the afternoon. (For those of you unfamiliar with Kansas City, Westport is a bar district in the midtown area.) He was on the sidewalk. On his back, a standard size back pack. He was not impeding traffic.

All in all, it seemed like a pretty unremarkable sight for a Thursday pre-happy-hour. Except for one thing.

He was working a set of nunchucks as he walked.

Wait... is it a set of nunchucks? Or a pair? Or is it just nunchucks... being as if there were not two, you would just have a stick.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but now, I'm kind of wondering what possesses a dude in his early 20s to carry nunchucks, as there were no reports of ninja assassins in the area that day. After giving it some thought, I've come up with some logical reasons why a guy would be carrying nunchucks in Westport.

1. Samurai sword was in the shop.
2. Much easier to conceal than a quarterstaff.
3. It relieves aches associated with carpal tunnel syndrome. Doctors don't know why, and he's in the study.
4. Arrows spill out of the quiver any time he bends down to pick up a copy of The Pitch.
5. Throwing stars constantly get mixed up with pocket change.
6. Feels nunchucks will be the next big thing in men's fashion accessories, replacing the big, clunky watch.
7. Let the license plates on his catapult expire and didn't want another ticket.
8. Just recently got over bronchitis, rendering his blow gun useless.
9. Liberals haven't put nunchucks on the weapons hit list. Yet.
10. With a spear gun, it's all over too quickly.
11. Consistent sling shot ammo is difficult to come by in town.
12. Working on hand-eye-don't-hit-yourself-in-the-nuts coordination.
13. Buzzard's Beach has 2-4-1 specials on Thursday, 3-4-1 if you have nunchucks
14. Mace was rusty, and no one likes a rusty mace.
15. Brass knuckles clashed with what he was wearing.
16. Quarter draw night at Harpo's gets busy and the frat guys get pushy.
17. Crossbow just seemed like overkill. For a Thursday, anyway.
18. Chicks dig a guy who can handle his nunchucks.