Two Birds, One Stone

or...

How to Save the Post Office and Get Back at Those Companies That Send Junk Mail

Citibank wastes trees and money with badvertising.

The United States Postal Service is in a hard way right now. Losing money hand over fist. Millions in benefits owed to pensioners. Increased  competition from FedEx, UPS, DHL. Letter writing is dying. Catalogs have moved to the Internet because more people shop electronically. And, the worst indicator that the USPS is in trouble, Claire McCaskill has took up the charge, encouraging people to send cash through the mail.

I've got a much better idea, and it will stick it to the credit card companies who barrage you with unwanted solicitation.

Instead of throwing that junk mail away... open it. Look for the business reply envelope. (Or "BRE" if you're in the industry.) Set it aside.

Find the piece of paper with the legalese on it... the rates you're getting now, the rates you'll be getting charged next year, under what conditions you'll be charged more, etc.

Write a message on it in big magic marker. Something sweet... maybe a note for the Holidays.

A seasonal message, peppered with a political statement.

Then stuff that sumbitch in the BRE, lick the envelope and send it back to those assholes.

Now ask yourself:

The Post Office charges postage plus 72 cents per piece of business reply mail.

Not just yes, but HELL YES!

Can one person make a difference?
I get 5 pieces of junk mail per week with BREs in them. That's 520 unwanted pieces of mail. At $1.17 or so, that's roughly $304.20 I've helped the Post Office generate while sticking it to the man.

Can we turn this into a movement?
If every household in the country did this, we'd have the USPS back in the black within a year, to the tune of $40,154,400,000. (That's $40.15 billion and change, folks.) Figuring five a week is average, 132 million households per the 2010 Census. That comes out to be a big chunk of change the Banks of America, Chase, Capital One, Discover and Wells Fargo will be forking out.

There may be some collateral damage. Sorry magazines, cell phone companies and Dish Network, but you're assholes, too. This quit being efficient two decades ago. Find a new way to advertise.

I don't usually make new years resolutions, but I'm doing this in 2012. Who's with me?