Why I'm an asshole

Over the years, many times someone has come to me and said, "You're a good person and I love you, but you can be an asshole sometimes." So today, I've been thinking about why.

I think people thinking this of me stems from two possible scenarios. The first happens more often than not; the second is what I'm talking about here.

I have a very dry sense of humor. It's not very often that I set out to say something mean. It's just that some people take what I say way too seriously. It happens often. I don't deny it. I don't understand how the person I've offended doesn't say, "Wait. What does that mean? Are you serious?"

I would. But that's me. I give people the opportunity to explain what they've said. If they're joking, I forgive. If they're not, I give them a chance to apologize. If I've said something to offend someone (it's happened) and I am told they're offended, I like the opportunity to tell them "I'm sorry. It was a joke. And a bad one." If I'm not joking, I tell them why I said what I've said. If they don't like me for it, then it is what it is.

The other scenario occurs when someone acts in such a way I find disappointing. They do something that is despicable. Something that goes beyond decency, and offer no explanation for what they've done. Or worse yet, offer weak explanation for what they've done.

When someone is disloyal, it really makes me mad. When I've done nothing but be there for them, make sacrifices for them, and they do something to deliberately hurt me, it makes me question their very souls.

When my former friends and employees took over the space that used to house Kyle's Tap Room, the bar I owned for six years, it hurt me incredibly. If any one of them had been forced out of business as I had by an unscrupulous landlord, I would have helped them get even, not sign a lease agreement and gone into business using the equipment my friend couldn't remove. They are creating a business from what I was forced to leave behind. They never came to talk to me about it until they'd signed the lease. Even though they knew the landlord's actions cost me my life's savings and six years of work, they decided the best thing to do was go into business at no cost to them. My friendship and loyalty wasn't worth doing the right thing.

And now, another instance of someone behaving in such a way, that I find unforgivable recently happened. (This would be the example of the "weak" explanation for what they've done.)

I really take offense when someone lets another person down and justifies their action with their own personal problem. I've seen it happen when relationships break down when one is going through a tough time. Illness, money problems, unemployment... they're all part of being in a relationship. I've seen too many people abandon their significant other when they're going through a tough time. The explanation being, "I have my own problems to work out. I can't be there for you."

Usually the problem they need to work on is significantly less problematic than what the other is facing. The one leaving the relationship is the weak one. The one who needs to lean on the other in trying times is the stronger of the two and asks for nothing more than a little support.

But they get none. It makes me want to lash out at them, but in this case I can't. I'm not close enough this time to take the person aside and tell him what a jackass he's being. If telling him he's a sorry excuse for a human being makes me an asshole, so be it. I won't lose any sleep over it. How could I? I only sleep four hours a night.

These things make me question the moral fiber of some people. It makes me realize that some people truly have no souls. In some small way, however, it makes me want to be a better person, because I know that sometimes people don't get the support they need when they need it the most. It makes me want to be there for them, as I wish people would be there for me when I need it. Know this: If we are friends, I'll never betray you. You can always count on me to help, if I can.

Anyway... if you're reading this, and you've ever thought I was an asshole because of something I've said, it's one of two things. Either I was joking with you and you didn't get it, or you did something I would NEVER do because my Dad would kick the shit out of me for behaving that way.

 If it's the first, we can talk about it and I'll probably apologize. If it's the second, you can talk to my Mom and she'll kick the shit out of you.