18 Reasons to Carry Nunchucks in Kansas City

I saw a guy walking in Westport about 5:30 in the afternoon. (For those of you unfamiliar with Kansas City, Westport is a bar district in the midtown area.) He was on the sidewalk. On his back, a standard size back pack. He was not impeding traffic.

All in all, it seemed like a pretty unremarkable sight for a Thursday pre-happy-hour. Except for one thing.

He was working a set of nunchucks as he walked.

Wait... is it a set of nunchucks? Or a pair? Or is it just nunchucks... being as if there were not two, you would just have a stick.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but now, I'm kind of wondering what possesses a dude in his early 20s to carry nunchucks, as there were no reports of ninja assassins in the area that day. After giving it some thought, I've come up with some logical reasons why a guy would be carrying nunchucks in Westport.

1. Samurai sword was in the shop.
2. Much easier to conceal than a quarterstaff.
3. It relieves aches associated with carpal tunnel syndrome. Doctors don't know why, and he's in the study.
4. Arrows spill out of the quiver any time he bends down to pick up a copy of The Pitch.
5. Throwing stars constantly get mixed up with pocket change.
6. Feels nunchucks will be the next big thing in men's fashion accessories, replacing the big, clunky watch.
7. Let the license plates on his catapult expire and didn't want another ticket.
8. Just recently got over bronchitis, rendering his blow gun useless.
9. Liberals haven't put nunchucks on the weapons hit list. Yet.
10. With a spear gun, it's all over too quickly.
11. Consistent sling shot ammo is difficult to come by in town.
12. Working on hand-eye-don't-hit-yourself-in-the-nuts coordination.
13. Buzzard's Beach has 2-4-1 specials on Thursday, 3-4-1 if you have nunchucks
14. Mace was rusty, and no one likes a rusty mace.
15. Brass knuckles clashed with what he was wearing.
16. Quarter draw night at Harpo's gets busy and the frat guys get pushy.
17. Crossbow just seemed like overkill. For a Thursday, anyway.
18. Chicks dig a guy who can handle his nunchucks.

Kansas City Traffic Rants



Kansas City traffic offers challenges to commuters on both
sides of state line. Rants help me deal, though.



I can deal with Kansas City traffic for the most part. Realistically, I understand there will be regular snarls driving into downtown. For the most part, everyone has the same goal: getting to work on time safely. They work together to make it happen.

It's the idiots not paying attention, assholes who think they don't need to adhere to the rules of the road and just plain douchebags who make my blood pressure start to rise.



Why I rant...



First, my Dad taught truck drivers how to drive. He was big on defensive driving, too. When he taught me to drive, in a 1974 Honda Civic standard transmission. At the moment I was shifting gears, he'd ask me what color the car was behind us. If I had to look, he'd tell me I wasn't paying attention.

Second, someone once told me that if I was pissed off about something and didn't get it off my chest, it would turn into an ulcer. Maybe it was in a movie, or a stand up comedian, but who am I to question? I'm strictly opposed to anything messing with my digestive tract, so I tend to let my feelings  be known.

Third, because I know I can rant when I get home, it overcomes my desire to choke the shit of someone on the road, thus keeping Kansas City's thoroughfares free of additional slow-downs. Road rage isn't good for anyone.

So, Kansas City traffic rants are therapeutic for me. Hell. maybe people will read them and put out a little more effort on the road. Mostly, I hope you find them funny because I'm saying what you're thinking when some idiot douchebag moronic jackass jumps three lanes of traffic to hit an exit when he should have been in the exit lane a half mile back.

It happens.